It's that time again

that's right! Social networking sabbatical.. ooo ooo oo.. haha, who's excited? this girl.. sorta.

Has it really come to the point where I've separated myself so much from my own life that I have to back up and re-evaluate? I should be able to do this while I'm living my life, not when I'm spiraling out of control! oh silly me.

If you don't already know, Richard and I broke up- but it was a really good break up! We're still friends, and immediately after we thought it would be funny if we put we were engaged on our facebook statuses. We even hung out the weekend after that break-up, and honest to goodness it was NOT awkward in the slightest and was actually a lot of fun.

Well on to other things, something that my friend pointed out about me is that I am always working towards a goal.
"Granted" she said, "it may not be the same goal from 5minutes ago, but it's still a goal." (got to love her for truly knowing me).
Right now I want to be a maker of sweets and a video game ultra-advocate! Those two have been sticking quite nicely so far, so.. I'm a roll, lol.

I still haven't taken a professional cake decorating class.
I signed up for one, but it was full and I was on a waiting list, so I ended up assisting for it. So while I was washing dishes, prepping, bringing in and out materials and helping the chef, I stored some tips in the ole noggin.
I'm currently assisting in classes to earn to take classes (im not really getting a paycheck for assisting, I just get.. more cooking classes as my payment, so I'm kicking my own ass here). I'm crossing my fingers that I gain enough credits towards a baking class on the 20th before it fills up.. there's also a decorating marathon in a couple weeks, but that's a lot more.. hmm.

However, I like that i've never taken professional classes. I think it adds a little more creativity and definitely teaches me things I can possibly work with. I want to take a cake class tabula rasa, however it's hard not to be influenced by the teacher or chefs pedagogical slant for future projects. That's what makes me the most nervous, some ones idea constantly influencing my work and fencing in particular creative ideas and leaving out universal possibilities.

We'll see how things go, I suppose.
20 hours and 18 minutes left until i leave Facebook and Myspace for a while, and even twitter i'll only be posting as CapellasCnC and posting blog updates in MissdTheKickoff. Hmm.. Whether i'm ready or not, it's going to happen.

Let the adventure begin

So......

I feel like I should write, but I don't really know what I should write about.

I'm moving back in with my parents at the end of October. I don't mind so much, they have satellite, HBO and my dog stays there- so she can start sleeping in bed with me again. :)

I also don't mind, because my apartments lease agreements are only in 12month increments and i'm hoping to be traveling a lot after I graduate, as well as go to culinary/pastry school.
I'm just worried about putting all my crap in one room. Yikes.

I've definitely let myself go especially after I started dating Richard. I gained like.. psshh 15-20lbs or SOMETHING RIDICULOUS like that. I need to get back on this workout thing. I was thinking about joining LA Fitness once I move back in with the parents and don't have as many bills to pay.

So I was thinking...
and I think every individual has their own, what I call "momentum". On a flat line, anyones momentum can push them from anywhere on point A (left) to point B (which depending on the person can be, up, right down, slanted, diagonal, etc). Some people make their own momentum by continually having goals they work towards, and others work with the momentum they have (sometimes thats none). Some people are content where they are inbetween point A and point B and just stay there. So there are millions of tiny points that are in the process of traveling from point A point B. I am hoping to find someone on my journey to point B that shares the same drive of momentum. Because lately, I feel like I keep meeting points that I feel are going the same direction, but i've been passing up.

My momentum is going, and it's not stopping for anything.

Capellas Cookies N Cakes

Hey you guys, I need some help!
My friend who runs a birthing service, massaging service (something about being a doula?)
Heres her website: http://www.barefootbirth.com
Anyway, she helps women give birth, and goes to ...preggo woman expos..
Well long story short, she's invited me to be a part of her team to make goodies for such expos, meetings and shindigs her company holds with clients.
Normally for expos, they make free cupcakes and people ask them if they cater or will do cupcakes for baby showers and such, but... they definitely dont. lol. That's where I come in.
Charlies (my girlfriend) wants me to make the goodies for the expos as well as have my business card handy for anyone that IS looking for cupcakes or cookies for baby showers and little parties (EEEK!!!!!!)
AND I'll get reimbursed for the materials I'll be using, paid and get free advertising on Charlies BareFoot Birth website!
It's going to be touch with school and work, but COME ON- when does an opportunity like this come along when i'm in the midst of trying to figure out how to get into the culinary world of pastries?!

SO... I want two business cards... we'll im ordering some at the end of the week, but I need some opinions!
This one is what i'm thinking for preggo expos, and for anyone expecting, or any "cutesy" situation:


and here's two card options that are just everyday ones... i don't like these as much as the green one above :/
ideas? suggestions anyone?

Hey you guys! I'm alive!

So I actually wanted to write in here yesterday, but due to some occurences, I wasn't able to, but I am now!

So I worked out yesterday, yay! I haven't done that in a while..
It felt good afterwards. but it's definitely going to take a little bit to get used to braiding work outs into my actual work schedule and school schedule. It's starting to kick my ass, and i'm just trying to keep up.

OH I graduate in May! hoooray! in Anthropology :D how cooool

I took my first knife skills class at the Rolling Pin's Kitchen Emporium! a 3 1/2 class on how to cut things, what kind of knives to use, how to stand, the right length of knife for an individual person.
I'm also going to my Rolling Pins cooking class orientation this upcoming sunday, so I can help chefs prep and such for any cooking classes. And on the 23rd of the month, I have a cake decorating class! I'm getting so excited...
oh,
MORE EXCITEMENT!!!!
the mom said that for my birthday she's going to get me a kitchen aid mixer! A FUCKING KITCHEN AID MIXER! and I can even get it early if I want... but I want to make sure I don't have it during a lot of school work or exams, because I want to play with it all weekend!!!

oh baby! haha.. i already have the blender, Ijust want that flippin stand mixer.

I also met someone at the Rollin Pin that is going to the culinary school that I was thinking about going to. She said she loves it.. and she's an assistant at the RP too.. All these classes have been so much fun! I can't wait to take more!

okay, honestly this isn't going to be such a sufficient blog entry because i'm actually in class.. haha
Technologies for Preserving Heritage (an Archaeology class, lol.. *sigh*)

White a little more later!

I can't sleep.. so this one is for you.

I intimidate you with my spit, my curses, my curves, my ability to throw a punch
I will shove down your masculinity by opening my own doors
I can quiver your knees with one look and a tight glare
I can make you cry as easily as I can make you smile

I want to praise your soul by placing my hand on your heart, your lips, your face
I want to ease your senses with my flowery scent
I can worship your body with breezy kisses, tingling your spine to the depths of your quickest heartbeat
I can love you, have loved you, will love you for galaxies that extend and swirl to the infinite universe

You've spoken words of promise, of swears on graves of humans, on contracts to your feelings for me
You've teased me with shimmering nights of stars and ecstasies on a forbidden realm
You've sworn to be my shoulder, my partner, the one- my one
You've failed to extend your love to me

I'm your couch that keeps you warm and cradles you to sleep, the one you throw when better comes along
I'm your trusty knife you throw that could never be bothered to sharpen
I'm your shoes you walk on, step on, tread on and forget when my souls been breached
I'm the air you miss when you find yourself gasping

So baby, don't you see?
My love is in a cage waiting for you to break in
I want you, but you need me
I just need you to want me too

Freakin' Accomplishments *warning: A LOT of exclamation points!*

I know, long time no update.. yikes.
Well. i'm still doing weight watchers. Thank god i didn't quit, because this shit was getting out of hand. lol
I lost 12.6 pounds the first month (January) I joined, which is freakin SWELL! However, for the next couple months.. up until last Friday, I would gain 4 lbs, then lose 3 lbs, then gain 3 lbs, then lose 4 lbs, and I never quite got past the original 12.6lbs mark in January. Frustrating?
YES.

SO Last Friday, which was May 29th, that's right.. almost exactly 5 months from starting Weight Watchers, I lost 4 lbs that got me over the 12.6lbs mark! YAY!!!!
Not ONLY did it get me over that stupid mark, but I reached my goal of losing 5% of my weight, as well as hitting my 16week mark, which for some reason at Weight Watchers, is a big deal.

Not only that, but when I hung out with Christopher this past week, he commented and how he thought I looked skinnier, which is flipping awesome considering its my first compliment since joining WW, freakin awesome.
I also pulled out a pair of hideous shorts I bought last year that were on clearance (If you don't know me well.. you'll see I like to buy ugly clothing and i'll make that shit look HOT. lol.. well maybe, if not hot at least funny) and they're these wool shorts lol... with houndstooth print.. let me try to find a picture..

haha not even this skinny bitch can make them look good..

OMG anyway, back to the topic.. I bought them and i couldn't button that baby up, and now I can! hooray! I mean, i still have some pudgy mcpudge hangin over, but shit! It fits!
OH So do the size 18long capris I got from Old Navy! And i'm a size 20 there.... but I'm averagely a size 22, when I started WW.
So. Go me. :)

lol this entry is so messy and I get lost reading it, so I don't blame you if you skim.. haha.
Hoping to lose another size or two before trip to Denver!!! *crosses fingers*

OH another accomplishment. Within the past month, I started "running" my miles and timing them.. I started off doing about 24:35ish and when I "ran" today, I clocked in at 16:13!!!! Hahaha. I think i'm doing so well!

Lets hope this week shows a loss too..

On my mind and i don't want to forget them..

Things I want/prefer/hope for in a guy:
- he prefers to wear bow ties instead of neckties
- he still carries a handkerchief (extra points if it has something punk on them, like skulls, lol)
- he opens the door for me, not because he feels he needs to, but because he knows it makes me happy
- argues with me when I opt to pay for something (like dinner)
- dedicates/sings me a song/learns one song on an instrument and sings for me, extra points if he's particularly shy or really
really, really sucks at singing (those are the BEST).
- thinks holding hands in public is as sacred and personal as making out in private
- gives forehead kisses during a hug
- gives freakin FLOWERS! I love flowers... and they do it in the movies.. and it's realistic! They're like...$5 at WalMart.. I mean, come on? REally? I want flowers....... like... all the time, lol.
- understands/doesn't make fun of me for liking the following: dinosaurs, bubbles, sunsets, flying kites, baking just because,
High School Musical (lol), musicals, Twilight, giving random presents, giving random kisses, collecting holloween costumes,
- he gets along perfectly with my sis-in-law, nephew and brother
- will play video games with me as well as go kayaking with me
- loves dogs... a lot, extra points for already owning one
- doesn't mind crying in front of me
- understands that my closest friends are guys, and that i will always be friends with them
- he wants time for himself, cause i can't deal with a dependent dude
- can financially take care of himself
Last but not least (at least for now), he chooses to be with me, not "needs" to be with me.

Driving full speed in reverse

So last week, I was pretty livid when the scale said a gain of 1.4, the week before that I lost 1.6.
So I kicked my ass this week to get that 1.4 BACK from the scale.. and nothing is happening. These past couple weeks i've been working out 4 times a week, and my scale (which is pretty accurate to the WeightWatcher scale) is continually saying that I'm gaining.

WTF.

My weigh in is tomorrow, not really that excited about it.

Portions for Foxes

I feel like it's a big thing you know? Like when Bella jumped off the cliff just to know she's alive.

I've been really tired lately, and really out of sync, which is okay... all consequences of my choices.
I have my weigh in tomorrow for weight watchers, because I totally accidentally slept in earlier and missed my meeting, hahaha.
So i have to wake up doubley early to get to the 8am meeting tomorrow. Fun fun.

I've been really good this week about eating my points and trying to stay active, cause god know i totally fell off that bandwagon.

Lately there's this feeling coming over me, and the only way i know how to describe it is, "I feel like Pam from The Office when she confronts everyone". hahaha, that's not even a "feeling" term.
I guess i feel... left out and unnoticed? I mean, well duh people say hi and whatever, normalcy stuff that people do and say on a day to day basis when they don't realize their living.
But..I dooon't know. I feel weird inside.

It's like... when I e-mailed a TON of people- friends, close co workers and other people trying to lose weight, asking them to write down a couple encouraging words for me on a post it so I could have some extra motivation on my weight loss, a fucking journey that i know is going to be a lifetime- no one did it. not one person even responded with anything slightly motivational or encouraging. what the fuck?
I was straining enough to write that e-mail. I hate asking for help. I fucking hate it, and the fact that no one responded just cements the way I feel about people being "generally good". I don't see it.

And what the heck is up with my brother and sister in law saying they were going to visit last sunday then not coming?
I call and no one picks up. I get a text from them asking when I will visit next, and i reply with, "what hapened this past sunday, weren't you guys supposed to drive over?" and not getting a response back.
Oh yeah, they were in Disney.

I feel like NY wasn't vacation enough. I really need to get away for longer, much longer.
If people only knew, only knew the small amount of pressure I feel every day, and the non-release I get when I ask for an ounce of help.

It sucks, it really does.
And i'm really tired of making other people a priority when they've all made me an option.

Story Of My Life...

Flapping leaves caught in grass, resembling fish wings caught on nets
Clicking back and forth, anticipating its end of times like
Departing flight boards laughing above ripped leather seats

Unlike the ebb of tide that pulses in and out
My core clicks. Stacatto. Sharp. Defined.
It's black or white or nothing at all,
Love or hate, it's never gray

Business or pleasure, it can't be both
Tell me what you want, playtime is over
From click to click, which will you be?
Silence or the sound? that's all I mean

"I don't know" "lets see what happens"
Are unacceptable, don't pass GO
Silence over, I've clicked to hate
To hate your gray area

Just chose from left or right
Your thick black line that divides kills
Me inside. You try to be both right or wrong
Never the option of "yes" or "no"

The clicks are quickening, nervously tapping in
Between the sounds of you and me
My circle is incomplete, standing on the cliff of
Yin waiting for Yang, silently yearning for an answer back

Back to hate, it happens so fast
An 'im passe' for now, until your answer, Yang
reverberates back that in fact
one plus one is one.