Portions for Foxes

I feel like it's a big thing you know? Like when Bella jumped off the cliff just to know she's alive.

I've been really tired lately, and really out of sync, which is okay... all consequences of my choices.
I have my weigh in tomorrow for weight watchers, because I totally accidentally slept in earlier and missed my meeting, hahaha.
So i have to wake up doubley early to get to the 8am meeting tomorrow. Fun fun.

I've been really good this week about eating my points and trying to stay active, cause god know i totally fell off that bandwagon.

Lately there's this feeling coming over me, and the only way i know how to describe it is, "I feel like Pam from The Office when she confronts everyone". hahaha, that's not even a "feeling" term.
I guess i feel... left out and unnoticed? I mean, well duh people say hi and whatever, normalcy stuff that people do and say on a day to day basis when they don't realize their living.
But..I dooon't know. I feel weird inside.

It's like... when I e-mailed a TON of people- friends, close co workers and other people trying to lose weight, asking them to write down a couple encouraging words for me on a post it so I could have some extra motivation on my weight loss, a fucking journey that i know is going to be a lifetime- no one did it. not one person even responded with anything slightly motivational or encouraging. what the fuck?
I was straining enough to write that e-mail. I hate asking for help. I fucking hate it, and the fact that no one responded just cements the way I feel about people being "generally good". I don't see it.

And what the heck is up with my brother and sister in law saying they were going to visit last sunday then not coming?
I call and no one picks up. I get a text from them asking when I will visit next, and i reply with, "what hapened this past sunday, weren't you guys supposed to drive over?" and not getting a response back.
Oh yeah, they were in Disney.

I feel like NY wasn't vacation enough. I really need to get away for longer, much longer.
If people only knew, only knew the small amount of pressure I feel every day, and the non-release I get when I ask for an ounce of help.

It sucks, it really does.
And i'm really tired of making other people a priority when they've all made me an option.

School Starts Tomorrow

Excitement is slowly building, especially since I don't know how i'm going to be paying for my parking ticket.

My schedule is just as busy as it was last semester, but on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I have a 3 hour break between classes.. and I looked at the schedule at the Yung Ho Tae Kwon Do school, and guess what? They have an adult class that fits PERFECTLY in the break. People in my second class at school are going to have to deal that I smell like shit AND I could kick their ass. ha.

Things are doing better with Justin, now that I know he'll actually talk to me again.
I think im looking forward to his Christmas present more than he is... because i'm going shopping too.

I hope everything gets back to "normal".. the relationship without the title or sleeping over.
I'm actually very grateful that we never had sex, because that would've been a LOT more awkward trying to be friends.

Angela is coming over today for our first Bum Day. We've been planning this day since the beginning of last semester, but our schedules always collided. Angela and I also have another class together this semester, SO EXCITED. I love this girl sooo much.

I bought her coasters that look like little rugs (because she wanted them badly) they were 4 coasters for what? $20!!!!!!!! jesus. christ. most expensive coasters i've seen in my life.
And im about to make her a mixed CD... oh yeah, this is for her christmas presents. We haven;t even had a chance to exchange them yet! ugh.

whatever.
i'm just glad i'm getting some sleep again.

What a busy week! And it's only getting more busy..

HAY! So i got to see my brother, Hil and little marcus this past week which is totally awesome. I helped move, and it was grand. On my way home to Tampa, my friend Matt (from GA) was staying at the Gaylord Palms resort so i got to stop by there and spent the day with him, his sister and his mom.

For those of you who don't know, I met matt in D.C. when we were there for a government forum (defense, intelligence and diplomacy). We were in the same group because of our last names (how lucky!) And we totally hit it off. We spent the week together there,, and i figured i wouldn't really meet some long term friends during a week forum.. but i met Matt. We kept in touch like BFF's, and he even drove down to Jacksonville once when I was living over there. Technically, including this past week.. we've only hung out 3 times total in our 4 year friendship. Cool, huh? And we take a pic together every time we see each other, which is every other year- i'm always on the right, him on the left. One could only be so blessed with a good long-distant friendship like this.

2004 - Washington, D.C.


2006 - Jacksonville, FL


and last but not least,
2008 - Gaylord Palms Resort, Kissimmee, FL


oh, and an extra picture of us being badass bikers

Oye Vey!

I can't believe i haven't written in a couple days.

I was going to write at Karens, but i really wanted to get going and go to the brothers location.. when i did, i tried to sign into Blogger, and freakin.. it brought me to my old old old blog from 2004 i used to have on this thing. I was a very angry person! lol

I haven't worked out in three days, OUCH. Tomorrow, i'll be whipping my ass hardcore. But at least i got some R&R from kicking my own ass last week, i had charlie horses, and cramps, i was walking weird because my thighs were so sore. But i also started my period, soooo i think it's good i took a couple days off.

Speaking of a couple days off, Karen and I are going to have a little rendezvous near the end of the summer for a little more R&R in ORlando. I'm so excited! I don't think i've ever checked into a hotel by myself before? it's gonna be so awesome, it's pretty much when you realize that you're an adult... kinda. I'm sort of there. lol.

**totally off topic, if there was one
I really want a boyfriend. But unlike last time, i don't want to sacrifice my freedom or my personality. Not to be conceited, or egotistical, but i'm freakin AWESOME. I speak my mind, you have nothing to worry about in regards to me lying to you. You might have to worry that i'm really out spoken, and i don't mean to hurt your feelings. I want a real man who can joke around a lot, but also know when to stop. The guy that farts on you and messes around at home, or in privacy, but also is the one who opens the door and pulls out the chair. Already, no one like that exists, lol. Either they're waaay too far to the left, or too far to the right.
And guess what? I'm not picky, AT ALL. I just have really high standards that are rarely met. Not just for my bf's, but for my friends and family too. I just want someone funny, honest and caring.
Truthfully, i don't have time for a bf right now. Just me. :)
off to play some Sudoku or WordSpy (BEST GAMES EVER)