Portions for Foxes

I feel like it's a big thing you know? Like when Bella jumped off the cliff just to know she's alive.

I've been really tired lately, and really out of sync, which is okay... all consequences of my choices.
I have my weigh in tomorrow for weight watchers, because I totally accidentally slept in earlier and missed my meeting, hahaha.
So i have to wake up doubley early to get to the 8am meeting tomorrow. Fun fun.

I've been really good this week about eating my points and trying to stay active, cause god know i totally fell off that bandwagon.

Lately there's this feeling coming over me, and the only way i know how to describe it is, "I feel like Pam from The Office when she confronts everyone". hahaha, that's not even a "feeling" term.
I guess i feel... left out and unnoticed? I mean, well duh people say hi and whatever, normalcy stuff that people do and say on a day to day basis when they don't realize their living.
But..I dooon't know. I feel weird inside.

It's like... when I e-mailed a TON of people- friends, close co workers and other people trying to lose weight, asking them to write down a couple encouraging words for me on a post it so I could have some extra motivation on my weight loss, a fucking journey that i know is going to be a lifetime- no one did it. not one person even responded with anything slightly motivational or encouraging. what the fuck?
I was straining enough to write that e-mail. I hate asking for help. I fucking hate it, and the fact that no one responded just cements the way I feel about people being "generally good". I don't see it.

And what the heck is up with my brother and sister in law saying they were going to visit last sunday then not coming?
I call and no one picks up. I get a text from them asking when I will visit next, and i reply with, "what hapened this past sunday, weren't you guys supposed to drive over?" and not getting a response back.
Oh yeah, they were in Disney.

I feel like NY wasn't vacation enough. I really need to get away for longer, much longer.
If people only knew, only knew the small amount of pressure I feel every day, and the non-release I get when I ask for an ounce of help.

It sucks, it really does.
And i'm really tired of making other people a priority when they've all made me an option.