Freakin' Accomplishments *warning: A LOT of exclamation points!*

I know, long time no update.. yikes.
Well. i'm still doing weight watchers. Thank god i didn't quit, because this shit was getting out of hand. lol
I lost 12.6 pounds the first month (January) I joined, which is freakin SWELL! However, for the next couple months.. up until last Friday, I would gain 4 lbs, then lose 3 lbs, then gain 3 lbs, then lose 4 lbs, and I never quite got past the original 12.6lbs mark in January. Frustrating?
YES.

SO Last Friday, which was May 29th, that's right.. almost exactly 5 months from starting Weight Watchers, I lost 4 lbs that got me over the 12.6lbs mark! YAY!!!!
Not ONLY did it get me over that stupid mark, but I reached my goal of losing 5% of my weight, as well as hitting my 16week mark, which for some reason at Weight Watchers, is a big deal.

Not only that, but when I hung out with Christopher this past week, he commented and how he thought I looked skinnier, which is flipping awesome considering its my first compliment since joining WW, freakin awesome.
I also pulled out a pair of hideous shorts I bought last year that were on clearance (If you don't know me well.. you'll see I like to buy ugly clothing and i'll make that shit look HOT. lol.. well maybe, if not hot at least funny) and they're these wool shorts lol... with houndstooth print.. let me try to find a picture..

haha not even this skinny bitch can make them look good..

OMG anyway, back to the topic.. I bought them and i couldn't button that baby up, and now I can! hooray! I mean, i still have some pudgy mcpudge hangin over, but shit! It fits!
OH So do the size 18long capris I got from Old Navy! And i'm a size 20 there.... but I'm averagely a size 22, when I started WW.
So. Go me. :)

lol this entry is so messy and I get lost reading it, so I don't blame you if you skim.. haha.
Hoping to lose another size or two before trip to Denver!!! *crosses fingers*

OH another accomplishment. Within the past month, I started "running" my miles and timing them.. I started off doing about 24:35ish and when I "ran" today, I clocked in at 16:13!!!! Hahaha. I think i'm doing so well!

Lets hope this week shows a loss too..

On my mind and i don't want to forget them..

Things I want/prefer/hope for in a guy:
- he prefers to wear bow ties instead of neckties
- he still carries a handkerchief (extra points if it has something punk on them, like skulls, lol)
- he opens the door for me, not because he feels he needs to, but because he knows it makes me happy
- argues with me when I opt to pay for something (like dinner)
- dedicates/sings me a song/learns one song on an instrument and sings for me, extra points if he's particularly shy or really
really, really sucks at singing (those are the BEST).
- thinks holding hands in public is as sacred and personal as making out in private
- gives forehead kisses during a hug
- gives freakin FLOWERS! I love flowers... and they do it in the movies.. and it's realistic! They're like...$5 at WalMart.. I mean, come on? REally? I want flowers....... like... all the time, lol.
- understands/doesn't make fun of me for liking the following: dinosaurs, bubbles, sunsets, flying kites, baking just because,
High School Musical (lol), musicals, Twilight, giving random presents, giving random kisses, collecting holloween costumes,
- he gets along perfectly with my sis-in-law, nephew and brother
- will play video games with me as well as go kayaking with me
- loves dogs... a lot, extra points for already owning one
- doesn't mind crying in front of me
- understands that my closest friends are guys, and that i will always be friends with them
- he wants time for himself, cause i can't deal with a dependent dude
- can financially take care of himself
Last but not least (at least for now), he chooses to be with me, not "needs" to be with me.

Driving full speed in reverse

So last week, I was pretty livid when the scale said a gain of 1.4, the week before that I lost 1.6.
So I kicked my ass this week to get that 1.4 BACK from the scale.. and nothing is happening. These past couple weeks i've been working out 4 times a week, and my scale (which is pretty accurate to the WeightWatcher scale) is continually saying that I'm gaining.

WTF.

My weigh in is tomorrow, not really that excited about it.

Portions for Foxes

I feel like it's a big thing you know? Like when Bella jumped off the cliff just to know she's alive.

I've been really tired lately, and really out of sync, which is okay... all consequences of my choices.
I have my weigh in tomorrow for weight watchers, because I totally accidentally slept in earlier and missed my meeting, hahaha.
So i have to wake up doubley early to get to the 8am meeting tomorrow. Fun fun.

I've been really good this week about eating my points and trying to stay active, cause god know i totally fell off that bandwagon.

Lately there's this feeling coming over me, and the only way i know how to describe it is, "I feel like Pam from The Office when she confronts everyone". hahaha, that's not even a "feeling" term.
I guess i feel... left out and unnoticed? I mean, well duh people say hi and whatever, normalcy stuff that people do and say on a day to day basis when they don't realize their living.
But..I dooon't know. I feel weird inside.

It's like... when I e-mailed a TON of people- friends, close co workers and other people trying to lose weight, asking them to write down a couple encouraging words for me on a post it so I could have some extra motivation on my weight loss, a fucking journey that i know is going to be a lifetime- no one did it. not one person even responded with anything slightly motivational or encouraging. what the fuck?
I was straining enough to write that e-mail. I hate asking for help. I fucking hate it, and the fact that no one responded just cements the way I feel about people being "generally good". I don't see it.

And what the heck is up with my brother and sister in law saying they were going to visit last sunday then not coming?
I call and no one picks up. I get a text from them asking when I will visit next, and i reply with, "what hapened this past sunday, weren't you guys supposed to drive over?" and not getting a response back.
Oh yeah, they were in Disney.

I feel like NY wasn't vacation enough. I really need to get away for longer, much longer.
If people only knew, only knew the small amount of pressure I feel every day, and the non-release I get when I ask for an ounce of help.

It sucks, it really does.
And i'm really tired of making other people a priority when they've all made me an option.

Story Of My Life...

Flapping leaves caught in grass, resembling fish wings caught on nets
Clicking back and forth, anticipating its end of times like
Departing flight boards laughing above ripped leather seats

Unlike the ebb of tide that pulses in and out
My core clicks. Stacatto. Sharp. Defined.
It's black or white or nothing at all,
Love or hate, it's never gray

Business or pleasure, it can't be both
Tell me what you want, playtime is over
From click to click, which will you be?
Silence or the sound? that's all I mean

"I don't know" "lets see what happens"
Are unacceptable, don't pass GO
Silence over, I've clicked to hate
To hate your gray area

Just chose from left or right
Your thick black line that divides kills
Me inside. You try to be both right or wrong
Never the option of "yes" or "no"

The clicks are quickening, nervously tapping in
Between the sounds of you and me
My circle is incomplete, standing on the cliff of
Yin waiting for Yang, silently yearning for an answer back

Back to hate, it happens so fast
An 'im passe' for now, until your answer, Yang
reverberates back that in fact
one plus one is one.

Moi? a teacher?

I visited my adorable little sister today.
Completely sassy, but she's doing a lot better at listening.
I stayed in class with her today after lunch, and her teacher Ms. Raghoo is AWESOME. She's so funny, messes with the kids and lets me do whatever i want with the time Jolicia and i have together.

Today the whole class worked on math problems, lo and behold... when work time was finished, Ms. Raghoo told me to run over the questions on the overhead with the whole class.
It was so cool, these normally bad kids were all quiet, and "ooo"ed and "aaaahh"ed to get called on when we were going over questions. It was really cool, cause i thought the kids were going to make fun of me? or ignore me? but they all call me Jolicias big sister,, and it was really fun running the class for a couple minutes!

yay!

Jolicia and I at lunch:

probably the cutest thing i've ever done...

So Michael doesn't like Valentines Day. At all. Valentines is my favorite Holiday. ever. of all time.
conflict? YES.
We both like this movie called MirrorMask (the backgrounds are made from screen shots of it).
There is a sphinx in the movie that asks riddles all the time (hence the first picture).
And this is how I asked him to be my valentine.. I sent him the first picture, waited 5 minutes then sent the second.


It says:
"A riddle for you, Michael...
What can fulfill these requirements: a hopeful girl, a lucky guy, undivided attention, funtimes, video games, cookies, anime and a possible hand to hold? You have 5 minutes" (i had to resize cause of blog layout..)

.
.
.
then i sent...



I totally made both of these!
yay for procrastinating during exams!

<3 Capella


oh p.s. he said he'd love to be my Valentine, and he's making me chocolate soufflee on Saturday. :)!

Dammit. :( hah

Bianca and I ran into one of my old classmates from HS today at the Thai Temple. Her name is Gianna, and she said she was trying to get into Bhuddism. She also bartends and performs at Valentines, this alternative lifestyle bar i Tampa. It's hip hop night tonight and Bianca and I are totally going!

HOWEVER,
Keith was supposed to be busy today, and he tells me (after these bar plans have been made) that he thought and wanted me to come over tonight. Dammit. Because I would love to come over tonight. Shit. But I told Gianna that we were going, and I have a whole outfit planned already.
Man. That blows.

*le sigh*

OH OH I'm also way addicted to this song that Chris DeLicious put on a CD for me, by The Bronx. It's called, "Young Bloods"

Young Bloods
I'm amazed how well you handle defeat, for a rookie.
So lay back and just continue to sleep.
We'll tell you when they're long gone.
I solemnly swear to compete in the world if nothing is ever atoned.

Young blood, if given the chance, spit fire!
Young blood, destroy the old empire!

I'm amazed the way you handle the press, like a veteran.
Flies will swarm and bees will crowd for incest.
They want to document all your time.
I solemnly swear to compete in the world if nothing is ever atoned.

Young blood, if given the chance, spit fire!
Young blood, destroy the old empire!
Young blood, if given the chance, spit fire!
Young blood, empires fade, so hold on to the money that you made.

Long gone, I solemnly swear to compete in the world if nothing is ever atoned.

Young blood, if given the chance, spit fire!
Young blood, destroy the old empire!
Young blood, if given the chance, spit fire!
Youn blood, if given the choice, never let them silence your voice!

I love my Daddy, I love my friends!

I love my Daddy:
I had lunch today with the Daddy, and he lied to my mom that he was shopping at Wal-Mart (hahahaha). We were talking about when I was going to graduate and I was in the process of confessing that I wasn't going to get a job right away and that I wanted to travel.
So I asked him how long he was a ship captain for, (if you didn't know, my daddy was a ship captain and traveled le world!). He said, "Seven years. For seven years.." And I said,
"Dad.. after I graduate I want to travel the world. Then.. i might try to get a job in Japan."
Dad: "Okay"
Me: "Have you been to India?"
Dad: "Yes. But don't go there, it's better to go to Bali, Indonesia."
Me: "You've been there?!"
Dad: "Yes. And Europe is too cold. After you graduate we'll go to the Philippines, so I can see my sisters, ok?"
Me: "OK!"
Then we started to talk about traveling and all the places my dad has gone and where I should go. And how I'm going to spend six months working fulltime before we travel so I can pay off my bills and such.
Talking to my dad about traveling almost made me cry in the restaurant, because he didn't judge e on where I should be going, or what i "should be" doing. He just accepts me, and my decisions and that makes him the best daddy ever. :)

I love my friends:
Yesterday I was explaining to one of my male friends how much weight I lost this past week with Weight Watchers, and.. he's been with me with all my dieting endeavors. And he only had to say one thing.."You, know, I'm so proud of you."
When there are friends out there who want you to do good, and guys who back you up like that through whatever? It's probably.. no.. it is, the best feeling one can ever go through..

OH. HELL. YEAH.

It was better than I expected, oh yeah. That's right. I LOST 6.4lbs this week. And guess what's been helping me lose it? That's right, Taco Bell. LOL.

YES.. F. YES!!